So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
