Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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