I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
