not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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