the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
