I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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