Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
