I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
