It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
