i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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