Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
