Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is my gift to your gina
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
