im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
