I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
