Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
