I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
