I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
as a side note pls kill me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
