I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
