either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
