dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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