I'm going to jail i love you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
