I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
