Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
