On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
