why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
