i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A bitchslap is in order.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
