WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
