When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
