smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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