I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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