Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
