Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
