You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
