i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
