the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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