You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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