They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
