He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
