So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
