Already got asked if we're dating
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What a dumb baby whore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
