I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
