OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
