I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
