his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
