He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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