I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
