Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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