They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
whose parrot is this?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
