Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
