this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
