Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
