Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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