The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
