there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
